


Justin's Thoughts

by smilenisejun



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilenisejun/pseuds/smilenisejun
Summary: There's just some things about Sejun that Justin would rather left unsaid.
Relationships: John Paulo Nase/Justin De Dios, PinUnso - Relationship, Sejun Nase/Justin De Dios
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	Justin's Thoughts

I looked at him from across the room. His eyes are focused on Stell, his thick brows furrowed and once in a while raises it alternately as he gives their main vocalist further instructions.

People who don't know him finds him intimidating and scary. Most of the time he actually is.

He's the strictest person I've ever met. He'd get irritated at the slightest off-key. He's loud and playful one moment, then quiet all of a sudden. He's a perfectionist and would make us repeat the entire run until we get everything right, not minding if it's late at night or how tired we all are from prior events. He'd often push us to our limits. He's very frank and never minces his words. He's never shy in telling you what you did wrong. He'd pull you in a corner and tell you upfront, just exactly what a leader should.

"Jah! Tulala ka na naman... okay ka lang?" he asked, concern laced his voice. I didn't notice him approach me until I felt him sat beside me on the floor. I looked around and noticed that the other members are gone.

"Humingi sila ng break. Nagugutom daw si Ken eh. Sinamahan nilang kumain," he explained.

"Ahh..." I said then kept quiet. I looked at him when he slightly nudged my shoulder.

Wrong move.

His eyes are directly looking at me, piercing through my soul, like he's trying to read my mind. I couldn't think straight.

I slowly breathed in and tried to relax. It's the only way the butterflies in my stomach would rest.

"Sejun, 'yung part ko kasi sa song..." I tried to say.

"What? You don't like it? You want more lines?"

"Actually, the opposite," I said while biting my lips. I'm nervous and scared of his reaction. "Naisip ko lang na baka pwede kaming magpalit ni Josh? Or give some of the lines to Ken? Baka hindi ko mapull-off eh. Feeling ko sasablay ako," I looked down trying to contain my embarrassment.

I've been working hard and doing everything during training but I always feel it's never enough. Why am I not as good as him and Stell despite the hours of hardwork I put into it? Do I really deserve my spot in the group? There's so many trainees more deserving than me, why am I here?

"Jah, look at me," I heard him say but I didnt look. He would just convince me to take the part and I don't want to. I'm convinced that I can't do it.

I was forced to look at him when I felt his hands on my face. He was cupping my face while trying to catch my eyes.

"Do you trust me?" he asked. Of course I do, more than anyone in the world.

"Oo naman," I tried to nod from his hands.

"Then believe me when I say na you will do great. The song fits you and I know you'll give justice to it."

"Pero, kasi Sejun--"

"Justin, kaya mo. Kung naniniwala ka sa 'kin, maniwala ka rin sa sarili mo. You are part of the group for a reason."

"Yeah, para sa visual," I said bitterly. I can't help it. I always feel inferior when people talk about my looks. I know that it was meant to be a compliment but I can't help thinking that I only got my spot because of my looks. The good looking kid with mediocre talent. Yeah, that's me.

I snapped out of my thoughts when Sejun lightly tap my right cheek.

"Hoy, ang sakit no'n ha!" he was laughing in protest. "Parang gusto mo i-imply na ang papangit naming apat." He wrapped his arm around my neck and choked me playfully. I felt his fingers on my side as he tried to tickle me. I couldn't help but to burst out laughing.

"Baliw! Hindi ganun," I was trying to explain in between fits of laughter. I was suddenly feeling giddy. I don't know how Sejun does it, how easy it is for him to change my mood. A simple smile or pat on the back from him eases my worries.

"O, sige, mag-explain ka! Porke pogi ka lang eh. Yabang nito!" he joked.

"Gagu, hindi nga kasi ganun ang ibig kong sabihin!" I protested as I wriggle free from him. "I don't know bakit niyo iniinsist na ako ang visual eh gwapo din naman kayo."

"Ka Sejun."

"Ha?"

"GWAPO KA, SEJUN. Say it correctly," he ordered me, his eyes twinkling in mischief.

"Gwapo ka, Sejun," I said as I stared directly in his eyes.

I saw how a smile slowly formed on his lips until it reached his eyes. The dimples on his left cheek are calling for attention. I tried hard to resist poking it with my index. It's adorable.

He is adorable.

I felt my heart jumped. This man clearly has no idea what his smile can do to me.

"Naniniwala ako sa 'yo diyan," he said smiling before his tone turned serious. "Kaya maniwala ka rin sa sarili mo. You have the talent and skills just like the rest of us. 'Wag mong i-down ang sarili mo. The bashers will handle that for you kaya 'wag mo na silang agawan ng role. Ang role mo is to uplift yourself. Motivate yourself and cheer yourself up all the time. Work on the things na tingin mo kulang and highlight the things that you have."   
He paused to grab my hands. I felt the electricity spread from his hands to mine but I forced myself not to withdraw it from his grasp. There's something about his hands on mine that I find comforting.

"Tutulungan kita. I'm here for you, Jah. Always." He said and I melt.

I'm at a loss for words. His sincere words and serious-looking face never fail to leave an imprint in my heart.

"Alam mo, rather than worrying na 'di mo mapupull-off ng maayos 'yung perf, how about we practice it some more? Tutal wala pa 'yung tatlo. Let's see kung ano'ng adjustments ang pwede natin gawin so you'll feel comfortable sa part mo," he said. He stood in front of me and grabbed my hand to help me get up.

I smiled and shook my head to push my self-doubts aside. I let him pull me up and dragged me to where he and Stell were standing half an hour ago.

I've been down this road of self-doubt too many times, especially when I passed the training and joined the group. But every time I would start doubting myself, Sejun would come to remind me of all the things I'm good at and what I can do better.

He may be the strictest leader I've ever met, but he's also one of the kindest, most humble and selfless person I know.

I wish someday I'll be able to find the strength to tell him how I feel about him. Maybe when the stars are aligned and I feel confident enough, I"ll be able to do that.

But for now, I"m content with the way things are.


End file.
